Bravo, you scored a 140 on your IQ test! You are brilliant at reasoning and solving problems quickly. And this likely isn’t new news to you. Too bad EQ has a higher correlation with success in life than IQ.
But we can get into that later. May I speculate?
You are intelligent. You have the ability to recite all kinds of information faster than your peers. And you think you a likely more intelligent than the rest of the room.
You graduated summa cum laude from college. Landed a high paying gig right after college. And worked your way up the ladder. And even if you've rubbed some people the wrong way - you don't think it matters - because you're smarter and you get results.
You’ve spent the majority of your life learning and it’s propelled you into the career you are in today. Along the way you met a person that you’ve deemed qualified to be your long term partner. And you’ve met a group of people you consider good friends. On paper you are successful. But something feels like it’s missing.
And you’re right, something is missing.
Connection with yourself.
Connection with others.
Remember our friend, Max?
Max produces great work. And he is really good at what he does. Some say that he is a genius. But his peers don’t like to be around him. Max definitely has a high IQ.
What’s missing in Max, however, is his ability to recognize how his actions affect others. Max might even be completely oblivious of it. He might even dismiss it.
If you are reading this and you are Max. Welcome. We get you. We might have even been similar to you a few years ago.
And just like Max, you might be feeling like your partner and friends are pushing away from you. You’ve been told that you are hard to work with. Your partner doesn’t feel safe venting to you anymore. And you don’t know why things in your personal life aren’t working out. You're smart - what's wrong? Why can't I think my way out of this?
Yes, you are brilliant at reciting facts and solving the world’s problems. But how good are you at feeling?
How good are you at naming and labeling your feelings?
How good are you at recognizing others’ feelings?
How good are you at remaining calm, cool, and collected in challenging times?
And how good are you at responding to your emotions rather than reacting to your emotions?
Heck - how good are you at understanding and creating space for your partner and their emotions or your other important relationships?
Over the last couple decades, research has shown that a higher EQ is correlated to higher levels of success than having a high IQ. People with higher EQ’s are not only wealthier and better leaders, but they have healthier, happier relationships. They even live longer.
Having a high IQ does not determine how high your EQ is.
They are completely separate.
May I speculate a little more?
You’re craving connection. You want to feel connected. And I’m not talking about surface level connection. I’m talking about deep, intimate connection. The connection that releases all those feel good hormones into your body. That feeling you get when you share a piece of your story and it’s validated. It’s the feeling of being seen and heard.
Guess what? Developing your EQ will help you satisfy that need. And it’s not too late.
Men who have high EQs are...
...are self-aware. They have the ability to trace their emotions back to their origins and see them logically. And they have a realistic grasp of their strengths and weaknesses.
...are great at self management. They can catch intense feelings and respond to them with compassion. They also know how to neutralize difficult situations and difficult people. And they know how to delay gratification.
...are socially aware. They can read and understand how people feel. They also know how to feel out the energy and see interpersonal relationships of a group.
...excel in relationships. They manage conflict well, listen and communicate well with people, and positively inspire/influence people.
We are building the foundation of our EQ when we practice emotional awareness.
And to get there we need to grow our emotional vocabulary and become emotionally literate. We also need to understand the differences between emotions, feelings, thoughts, moods, and stories.
Chris and I are here to help you grow your emotional awareness so that you can be an effective partner, friend, coworker, brother, father, and leader in your life.
You can start by attending our next live emotional awareness training.
And if you are really ready to make a shift in your life - let's start by making introductions - schedule a 15 minute intro call with me (Mike). We will gauge where you are in your life and we’ll provide feedback about next steps to help you get the life that you want.
Right now is the best time to start working towards your dream life.